I have had an emotional couple of days, on Thursday we were informed that my mum will be admitted to Queens Hospital for a major operation. This Operation, needed to be done in three stages, first stage they removed part of the leg bone which has a cancer tumour in it. The next stage they needed to remove pins and bars from previous operations, and then re-pin it. The third stage is a complete hip replacement operation. Mum was very frightened, as were we all, we new this was a big operation that was very uncertain. My mother has been a great fighter with her illness, Bone Cancer, an a complete inspiration with what she has gone from to date already. Living with someone who has this disease is hard as you need to live your life normal as if its not going on, yet knowing that it is and certain things need to be considered. It brings very scary times, as I was only 13 when she was diagnosed. I remember the day my mother told me it was Cancer, I was standing in the corner to two work tops joining, I was jumping up and swinging at the time I heard the door go. My parents came into the kitchen and I sensed they had some bad news, I asked to be told as I was not a little girl any more, I said I was old enough to deal with whatever it was and be supported. Silence met my words, and I just announced "its cancer isn't it", my mum then said quite simply "yes" and that's when my little world collapsed. I spent many years helping out during these times of sickness, I helped my mum up out of bed to vomit, holding her hair back, I confronted my tomato phobia which back then I had, and made her bacon and tomato sandwich's (she lived on this during her chemo days). I was there when her hair fell out, I was there for hospital trips for appointments and for emergencies, I saw this illness destroy, my mother and I watched her rebuild her life. I saw her mobility get restricted, and reactions good and bad to medicines, it really has been a emotional roller coaster and that was just my side of it.
I believe this is what made me grow up faster, along with my previous loss, my younger brother, felt I left a lot of people my age behind and did not really part take in the adolescent silly fun they all got involved in. This may have been a blessing, as at least I didn't get involved in drugs and teenage pregnancy, as that would have really changed my life and I am happy to keep my life lessons.
So Friday my mother was in theatre from 2pm all the way up till 8pm, with us all on tender hooks, my father was a recluse during this time and I distracted myself with research for my future. I tried to remember the fact that worrying was not going to change the out come and that I just had to have faith and trust in it all turning out ok. They confirmed last night she was doing good and in the recovery HDU ward, and today she has been moved back to the normal ward.
I am visiting tomorrow, as my father and aunt did the two slots today, Lee was doing all day training and an exam which is why I was not there. I now hope to help optimize her nutrition and help her recovery further.
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Thursday, 12 May 2011
Finally its a Meal Idea!!
ME My Statement on ME Awareness day
Today is officially ME awareness week, as you may have guessed from the links I have been sharing ( again I am sorry if this has bugged anyone) and if you could share them I would appreciate it, to share and make the awareness of the illness a little more known. If not no worries x
I obviously have a personal reason for jumping on the ME band wagon, due to also being a ME sufferer - it was confirmed that I have had this since my child hood from a virus. Those that know me from school, you will probably remember that I was a serial part timer due to illness sickness - I was always on antibiotics. Those of you who have known me from a working perspective - also know that My attendance was a joke, I'm not under any illusion, I worked hard but I was always off ill and again on anti biotics.
December 2009 is when my life truly fell apart due to this illness - and July 2010 is when I was officially diagnosed after all them years. Unfortunately many doctors do not know anything about treating this illness and it does go undetected and fobbed off as to being many other illnesses.
My symptoms were - IBS - swollen tummy crippling pains, Asthma, Eczema, debilitating Fatigue, swollen glands around the body and painful nodes in my throat and cold and flu symptoms, heart palpitations, restless leg syndrome, anxiety, pale complexion with dark rings around my eyes, Candida, Coeliac disease, Lactose intolerant, deficiency in vitamins and mineral.
I have dealt with my ME with - Diet - a massive change avoiding sugar and processed as much as possible, Supplements, avoidance of certain foods and daily used chemicals and toxins, counselling, Meditation, and Pacing.
I am not perfect and fall of the wagon but I am determined and get straight back on the horse again and can say I'm feeling so much better, and its hard work but anything worth achieving in life is, so therefore I stick at it x
I'm not ashamed of this Illness although the stigma surrounding it is cruel - I hope people will educate them selves on the importance of food they put into there mouths and toxic products they use on there body - and I hope ME will be better understood and treated correctly, instead of saying exercise will fix it bollocks mate it makes it worse!!
This is what I posted today on facebook and Twitter, I feel I have freed myself by opening up to friends and family about my journey with this illness.
I really don't care what anyone thinks in a judgement way I have made a few people more aware - and if everyone did this there would be a better understanding of the illness, I would hope anyways. It feels good and I am happy with the way my life is going x
Last night me and Lee had a huge heart to heart about how we are coping with all the new stuff and old stuff going on in our lives, this really cleared the air and helps to see our way forward in the situation. It helps us to understand what we have said, for instance a sentence may annoy the other person and be missing a whole lot of explanation out of it, when you explain the meaning behind what you are saying no to or yes to they can begin to see the whole picture to make a decision, rather then dismissing it immediately without thought or understanding.
Mum has to go into hospital today for an operation tomorrow, this bit I no like, and Lee and I are off down there this afternoon to see her before she has to have it x Its rather a big op that has 30 big wig Dr's involved and could get bigger depending what they find once in there ....to say my knees are knocking is an understatement and I cant imagine what she is thinking/going through right now:-(!!
I obviously have a personal reason for jumping on the ME band wagon, due to also being a ME sufferer - it was confirmed that I have had this since my child hood from a virus. Those that know me from school, you will probably remember that I was a serial part timer due to illness sickness - I was always on antibiotics. Those of you who have known me from a working perspective - also know that My attendance was a joke, I'm not under any illusion, I worked hard but I was always off ill and again on anti biotics.
December 2009 is when my life truly fell apart due to this illness - and July 2010 is when I was officially diagnosed after all them years. Unfortunately many doctors do not know anything about treating this illness and it does go undetected and fobbed off as to being many other illnesses.
My symptoms were - IBS - swollen tummy crippling pains, Asthma, Eczema, debilitating Fatigue, swollen glands around the body and painful nodes in my throat and cold and flu symptoms, heart palpitations, restless leg syndrome, anxiety, pale complexion with dark rings around my eyes, Candida, Coeliac disease, Lactose intolerant, deficiency in vitamins and mineral.
I have dealt with my ME with - Diet - a massive change avoiding sugar and processed as much as possible, Supplements, avoidance of certain foods and daily used chemicals and toxins, counselling, Meditation, and Pacing.
I am not perfect and fall of the wagon but I am determined and get straight back on the horse again and can say I'm feeling so much better, and its hard work but anything worth achieving in life is, so therefore I stick at it x
I'm not ashamed of this Illness although the stigma surrounding it is cruel - I hope people will educate them selves on the importance of food they put into there mouths and toxic products they use on there body - and I hope ME will be better understood and treated correctly, instead of saying exercise will fix it bollocks mate it makes it worse!!
This is what I posted today on facebook and Twitter, I feel I have freed myself by opening up to friends and family about my journey with this illness.
I really don't care what anyone thinks in a judgement way I have made a few people more aware - and if everyone did this there would be a better understanding of the illness, I would hope anyways. It feels good and I am happy with the way my life is going x
Last night me and Lee had a huge heart to heart about how we are coping with all the new stuff and old stuff going on in our lives, this really cleared the air and helps to see our way forward in the situation. It helps us to understand what we have said, for instance a sentence may annoy the other person and be missing a whole lot of explanation out of it, when you explain the meaning behind what you are saying no to or yes to they can begin to see the whole picture to make a decision, rather then dismissing it immediately without thought or understanding.
Mum has to go into hospital today for an operation tomorrow, this bit I no like, and Lee and I are off down there this afternoon to see her before she has to have it x Its rather a big op that has 30 big wig Dr's involved and could get bigger depending what they find once in there ....to say my knees are knocking is an understatement and I cant imagine what she is thinking/going through right now:-(!!
Monday, 9 May 2011
Monday 9th of may
Is it me or is this month simply flying by... I believe its because we shall be moving in the next 3-4 weeks but wowsers it will be here quicker then I could have hoped for.
The last few days have been mostly me. Lee has worked and only had Saturday evening and Sunday off, he was shattered bless him, but we still went to the BBQ at his parent Saturday evening. I'm getting good at keeping to my diet when out and away. Its quite lonely when he works days and evening, weekends, as expected but I do see that it keeps us so in love with each other as we miss each other dearly. I understand that If I was working it would take the pressure off from doing the displays although he would still do a couple if he wanted to. We have discussed that due to the effects doing voluntary office work, I had an anxiety panic attack which I had not had in such a long time, that this type of work is not for me anymore.
I took on a huge responsibility, as the business owner did not know how to do any of the office work, nor did he know how to do the VAT, Corporation tax and end of year employer forms...Well I had not had much experience of the latter either but was learning via my mum in law battling through it with me.
Mum in Law had run her own business, but the lack of knowledge by the owner meant this was going into a blind situation and scrabbling to keep it functioning. Although it was all completed the stress just hit and made me realise I was running a business in effect, just not partaking in the labouring part of it!!
I do wish to have my own business, but this was too soon and I did not know what other things were going to pop up and have to be dealt with, as it is a business in full flow!!
I hope to read up and learn how to go about starting my business and learning to grow with it and all the necessary legal requirements met, as it will be my responsibility that papers get filed and payments get made. If I do not make this my priority and make sure all aspect have been met, it is me that suffers and the business, however I was not ready to take on this responsibility for someone else.
Its easy for a person to say "I don't know", and shrug off the responsibility of life but where does that get you, you wont grow as a person, but be stuck in an ignorant world of everyone taking charge of your life instead of you dealing with the hard decisions, protecting yourself against lessons and failures that teach and make us as people. Its a childish attitude to have really, and does not show a strong character but a cowards way. Life is for the living, that includes the tough times, hard times, scary times and all the great brilliant if Carlsberg made it moments all together as a package. Picking and choosing your moments is a half life, and playing it safe means you never know yourself fully and what you are capable of actually achieving, who you could grow into.
I tested myself, realised I was a strong, inspiring individual who can be trendy, bit hippy, and very nice person to boot, yep I'm good with that and long may it continue.
I have got half way through my big assignment and am happy with the work achieved so far, I also love the extra work I put into this, my case studies, extra reading materials and watching documentaries and interviews of people with eating disorders or using diet for illness.
I have been gathering ideas for when I have qualified, and starting up my business, I am really excited and will be glad to get it up and running with Lees help. He believes I shall overtake him as the bread winner but we will see. I just hope to help me, others and provide for my family, I have simple requirements, and If I can help other family members both health wise and financially that will be rewarding to. Hope to start end of this year beginning of next depending how the course and I plod on together.
My fish died yesterday bless him poor Merlin hope he is resting in peace now x
The last few days have been mostly me. Lee has worked and only had Saturday evening and Sunday off, he was shattered bless him, but we still went to the BBQ at his parent Saturday evening. I'm getting good at keeping to my diet when out and away. Its quite lonely when he works days and evening, weekends, as expected but I do see that it keeps us so in love with each other as we miss each other dearly. I understand that If I was working it would take the pressure off from doing the displays although he would still do a couple if he wanted to. We have discussed that due to the effects doing voluntary office work, I had an anxiety panic attack which I had not had in such a long time, that this type of work is not for me anymore.
I took on a huge responsibility, as the business owner did not know how to do any of the office work, nor did he know how to do the VAT, Corporation tax and end of year employer forms...Well I had not had much experience of the latter either but was learning via my mum in law battling through it with me.
Mum in Law had run her own business, but the lack of knowledge by the owner meant this was going into a blind situation and scrabbling to keep it functioning. Although it was all completed the stress just hit and made me realise I was running a business in effect, just not partaking in the labouring part of it!!
I do wish to have my own business, but this was too soon and I did not know what other things were going to pop up and have to be dealt with, as it is a business in full flow!!
I hope to read up and learn how to go about starting my business and learning to grow with it and all the necessary legal requirements met, as it will be my responsibility that papers get filed and payments get made. If I do not make this my priority and make sure all aspect have been met, it is me that suffers and the business, however I was not ready to take on this responsibility for someone else.
Its easy for a person to say "I don't know", and shrug off the responsibility of life but where does that get you, you wont grow as a person, but be stuck in an ignorant world of everyone taking charge of your life instead of you dealing with the hard decisions, protecting yourself against lessons and failures that teach and make us as people. Its a childish attitude to have really, and does not show a strong character but a cowards way. Life is for the living, that includes the tough times, hard times, scary times and all the great brilliant if Carlsberg made it moments all together as a package. Picking and choosing your moments is a half life, and playing it safe means you never know yourself fully and what you are capable of actually achieving, who you could grow into.
I tested myself, realised I was a strong, inspiring individual who can be trendy, bit hippy, and very nice person to boot, yep I'm good with that and long may it continue.
I have got half way through my big assignment and am happy with the work achieved so far, I also love the extra work I put into this, my case studies, extra reading materials and watching documentaries and interviews of people with eating disorders or using diet for illness.
I have been gathering ideas for when I have qualified, and starting up my business, I am really excited and will be glad to get it up and running with Lees help. He believes I shall overtake him as the bread winner but we will see. I just hope to help me, others and provide for my family, I have simple requirements, and If I can help other family members both health wise and financially that will be rewarding to. Hope to start end of this year beginning of next depending how the course and I plod on together.
My fish died yesterday bless him poor Merlin hope he is resting in peace now x
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Glamping, me and the Cheeky Boi's Team
The Cheeky Boi's Team have 4 meets a year, in which they compete against other teams for cups and awards, its really good for them to just have some fun and laughs.
The evenings are good food and drinks, chats around the campfire. There was myself, hubstar, mum in law, father in law, sis in law to be and her partner, his bro - we then meet up with the Jock's - not to offend anyone this is just what they like us to call them!! The jocks are three men who are great friends of hubstar and his family, supporting them through tough times etc etc!! each of the three are different and all good hearted and I am thankful that they helped my lovely hubby overcome his depression, suffered before our actually meeting.
This meet brings about a great group of people who have fantastic characters, and there are major laughs to be had, and ages vary greatly with a good mix all round. I have mostly stayed away from the alcohol this time as I like to limit my intake due to my health, but I also have not been to one since I was officially diagnosed with ME. We arrived Friday at 4pm after 8 hours of travelling, we set up the caravan and its awning, our changing tent, mine and hubstar's sleeping tent... cooked food and joined in at the camp fire.
I went to bed early, but they all partied hard with other teams wow the noise was loud, lots of merriment and jollies, but I was not bothered it was nice to lay down, but was rather chilly that first night even with thermals on !! man do I sound old and boring just now!! but I tweaked the blankets from then all on was cool. Saturday was boiling and I had a cider some sunbathing, good food water, naps, toilet tantrums, shower with LUSH, and good chats with everyone then stayed up late and joined in the banter but with out further alcohol - seriously I don't need it to be mad I already just am!!
Same for Sunday apart from being woke up at 4.30 by a chorus of Mustang Sally outside the tent - then it died down again and I fell back to sleep.
There is something very beautiful and spiritual about Cumbria and we are based within a Quarry that has rocks and greenery so pretty - the Sky has no light pollution and is an amazing site in which you can see all the star's and their constellations, satelites, shooting stars. You here nature at night and have fresh air all around you, you sleep with the dark and you rise with the light its back to nature at its best and that part of Glamping there I love - Why do I call it Glamping well I can still be me with my GHD's, fake tan and makeup - thanks to the caravan and Geni!! mum in law had a fright when sis in laws black lab broke in and stole the Biscuits she could only see the whites of its eyes it was hilarious.
My body likes to be away from all the electric energy at home, and fresh air really helps me clear my head and lungs. I feel quite normal when camping not many symptoms what so ever I hope when we have the caravan we can pop away for little breaks that would be fab.... had some issues up returning to normal life, with stress from people, money and back to the sale of property cant wait for all this to be cleaned up now x
The evenings are good food and drinks, chats around the campfire. There was myself, hubstar, mum in law, father in law, sis in law to be and her partner, his bro - we then meet up with the Jock's - not to offend anyone this is just what they like us to call them!! The jocks are three men who are great friends of hubstar and his family, supporting them through tough times etc etc!! each of the three are different and all good hearted and I am thankful that they helped my lovely hubby overcome his depression, suffered before our actually meeting.
This meet brings about a great group of people who have fantastic characters, and there are major laughs to be had, and ages vary greatly with a good mix all round. I have mostly stayed away from the alcohol this time as I like to limit my intake due to my health, but I also have not been to one since I was officially diagnosed with ME. We arrived Friday at 4pm after 8 hours of travelling, we set up the caravan and its awning, our changing tent, mine and hubstar's sleeping tent... cooked food and joined in at the camp fire.
I went to bed early, but they all partied hard with other teams wow the noise was loud, lots of merriment and jollies, but I was not bothered it was nice to lay down, but was rather chilly that first night even with thermals on !! man do I sound old and boring just now!! but I tweaked the blankets from then all on was cool. Saturday was boiling and I had a cider some sunbathing, good food water, naps, toilet tantrums, shower with LUSH, and good chats with everyone then stayed up late and joined in the banter but with out further alcohol - seriously I don't need it to be mad I already just am!!
Same for Sunday apart from being woke up at 4.30 by a chorus of Mustang Sally outside the tent - then it died down again and I fell back to sleep.
There is something very beautiful and spiritual about Cumbria and we are based within a Quarry that has rocks and greenery so pretty - the Sky has no light pollution and is an amazing site in which you can see all the star's and their constellations, satelites, shooting stars. You here nature at night and have fresh air all around you, you sleep with the dark and you rise with the light its back to nature at its best and that part of Glamping there I love - Why do I call it Glamping well I can still be me with my GHD's, fake tan and makeup - thanks to the caravan and Geni!! mum in law had a fright when sis in laws black lab broke in and stole the Biscuits she could only see the whites of its eyes it was hilarious.
My body likes to be away from all the electric energy at home, and fresh air really helps me clear my head and lungs. I feel quite normal when camping not many symptoms what so ever I hope when we have the caravan we can pop away for little breaks that would be fab.... had some issues up returning to normal life, with stress from people, money and back to the sale of property cant wait for all this to be cleaned up now x
Poop issues, tears and tissues
Guess who's back, back again QBC tell a friend guess whos back guess who's back nanananana, Yep the five day break was glorious apart from one nightmarish aspect.
POOP !!
Seriously I have no taboo talking to anyone out there right now about poop, but I just cant go when I'm away from HOME!!
So I follow a fab fruit and veg included diet I go completely fine at home, making me think wahey I have mastered my IBS side of ME go me ... Then as soon as I stay away from my trusty safe bathroom, I bung up quicker then a concrete mixer!! I had my diet to a T apart from the end of the break when I gave up and carbed out !! hell ya I did chips chips chips - as I was already suffering the toxins of my non movers, thought F*&% it!! See how normal I am, Told ya!! I had smoothies, good meat and veg meals with fruit snakes, water to drink, and still nada...so why then?? even when it was happening I knew it was my own mind stopping me poop. It mean putting on 6lbs - my stomach grew so large we were all awaiting meltdown!!Booom!!
From an early age I have not been able to poop if people other then my close family were around the home, and also never ever outside of the home...although unless emergency situations proved that to be some what difficult!! The feeling that heaven forbid people actually knew what I was doing, could hear, or be laughing at me as ridiculous as that sounds..I don't like people knowing that I am doing it!!! I mean other people do not have this embarrassing hang up, I was in the shower block and it sounded like the titanic had sank, but others don't care! its a natural occurrence which helps purify the body and heal it, so why the hell can I not let lose!!
I have a plan anyway my mum in law has said when she buys her new caravan this year we shall have her lovely little caravan - yay my own toilet woohoo, I shall be fine but am thinking maybe some hypnosis might help with the fear of toileting out of my own safe spaces - I get that this is a bizarre topic to blog, but I do know a few in the same boat if this helps you realise that your not alone maybe we can overcome this silly ass phobia x and since I have been home no worries what so ever in that department.
POOP !!
Seriously I have no taboo talking to anyone out there right now about poop, but I just cant go when I'm away from HOME!!
So I follow a fab fruit and veg included diet I go completely fine at home, making me think wahey I have mastered my IBS side of ME go me ... Then as soon as I stay away from my trusty safe bathroom, I bung up quicker then a concrete mixer!! I had my diet to a T apart from the end of the break when I gave up and carbed out !! hell ya I did chips chips chips - as I was already suffering the toxins of my non movers, thought F*&% it!! See how normal I am, Told ya!! I had smoothies, good meat and veg meals with fruit snakes, water to drink, and still nada...so why then?? even when it was happening I knew it was my own mind stopping me poop. It mean putting on 6lbs - my stomach grew so large we were all awaiting meltdown!!Booom!!
From an early age I have not been able to poop if people other then my close family were around the home, and also never ever outside of the home...although unless emergency situations proved that to be some what difficult!! The feeling that heaven forbid people actually knew what I was doing, could hear, or be laughing at me as ridiculous as that sounds..I don't like people knowing that I am doing it!!! I mean other people do not have this embarrassing hang up, I was in the shower block and it sounded like the titanic had sank, but others don't care! its a natural occurrence which helps purify the body and heal it, so why the hell can I not let lose!!
I have a plan anyway my mum in law has said when she buys her new caravan this year we shall have her lovely little caravan - yay my own toilet woohoo, I shall be fine but am thinking maybe some hypnosis might help with the fear of toileting out of my own safe spaces - I get that this is a bizarre topic to blog, but I do know a few in the same boat if this helps you realise that your not alone maybe we can overcome this silly ass phobia x and since I have been home no worries what so ever in that department.
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